


odds and evens

by americananirvana



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending?, M/M, Tysh, josh x tyler - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-27 06:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9981596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americananirvana/pseuds/americananirvana
Summary: josh counts down in 7's to keep himself sane.tyler counts up in 11's to keep himself crazy.[ill fucking digest you, one kiss at a time]//anxiety//self harm//





	1. i want to destroy you

**Author's Note:**

> 2:45 am
> 
> its raining and i cant sleep and i want to die i wish i had the guts

7.

josh splashes his face with the cold water. the gas station bathrooms are faded and the faucets splutter everywhere, leaving little spots all over his sweatshirt.

6.

he yanks his beanie off and combs water through his hair with shaking fingers and pulls the beanie back on over his face.

5.

the paper towels are rough and dry, and they scratch against josh's face and hurt his skin.

4.

the handle of the bathroom door is cold and squeaky. he sighs out and pulls the door open forcefully.

3.

he pulls 3 bottles of water off the shelf. [odd]

he grabs two packs of gum, one bubblegum and the other one mint, on his way to the register. [even.]

2.

he pays with a 5 dollar bill. [odd]

1.

he pops 2 sticks of gum in his mouth, both bubblegum pink. [even]

 

7.

the drive back to the apartment is empty. the radio is crackling in and out. it's probably still set on stations from their old town, josh thinks.

6.

he skips steps on the stairs, 2 at a time. [even]

the apartment is on the 5th floor. [odd]

5.

not high enough to kill you, as tyler describes it, but enough to make you contemplate it.

4.

he's panting a little bit, plastic bag laden with weight. he raps on the wooden door 3 times. [odd]

3.

the door has a little metal number set. it reads, 521. [odd]

2.

josh takes a deep breath and chews harder on the wad of artifically flavored gum and tries not to think about the floor collapsing beneath him.

1.

tyler swings the door open, taking the bag from josh and closing the door behind him. josh pulls used tissues out of his pockets and throws them into the garbage can.

he takes the water bottles out of the bag, the plastic rustling as he moves 1 aside for himself. [odd]

he places the other two into the pantry. [even]

 

7.

they sit across from each other at the kitchen counter.

tyler is typing something quickly to lock away into the depths of his laptop.

josh is scribbling away on a yellow lined notepad. the pencil is worn down, halfway through its lifespan and the eraser is gone.

6.

josh looks up at tyler 6 times. [even]

he tries to capture the small details of tyler's face, the point of his inner eyes and the curve of his top lip. 

5.

josh draws earrings in paper tyler's ears.

paper tyler has large, dark eyes and faded eyebags from the early morning hours when he stays up, letting words spill into his fingers like a gas station sink.

4.

tyler looks up at josh once. [odd]

he cups his hands around a mug of honey sweetened tea and lifts it to his lips.

the steam washes gently over his face.

3.

tyler shuts his computer and pushes it aside. he watches josh sketch his likeness with childish fascination.

2.

tyler's breath is warm and it smells like jasmine.

"josh, can you draw on me?"

he asks, voice dusty lavender dripping from honey slick lips.

1.

"sure, tyler."

josh flips the little legal pad closed and puts his pencil on top, and pushes it aside. 

tyler scrambles to find pens, coming back with a colorful pack of 24. [even]

josh pushes up tyler sleeves and tries not to think about blood beading perfectly in diagonal lines on pale skin and the sting.

he paints him pretty with daffodils and lavender and little birds.

he grows roses across tyler's ribcage and makes them bloom in the concave from one rib to the next.

 

7.

josh wakes up with a dry mouth and the sense of tiredness.

he stumbles into the bathroom, grabbing clean underwear on the way.

6. 

he turns the water on scalding hot, and strips quickly, the tile beneath his bare feet sending shivers through his body.

5.

the burning water flushes his skin red, and steam rises around his face. he feels pretty.

he washes his hair with peach shampoo 2 times. [even]

he runs a bar of soap over his body 3 times, and tries to clean off the dirt from his skin and the blood pounding in his heart. [odd]

4.

the water soon begins to turn cold, and he lets out a gasp and quickly turns the shower off, stepping gingerly onto the towel laid out on the floor.

3.

he dries himself for a couple of seconds, throwing the towel back onto the rack and pulling briefs on.

2.

he wanders back into his bedroom, pulling on a pair of loose sweatpants and a camoflauge tank top. he grabs a two black ballpoint pens from the jar on his bedside table. [even]

he fumbles a little bit, and they tumble to the ground.

1.

he doesn't put any socks on, and wanders out into the kitchen, playing a distant memory of piano in his head. he sits down on the wooden stool and begins to ink the design of a tree into his arm.

 

7.

josh makes himself coffee.

three packets of sugar. [odd]

6.

he hears the showers in the other room turn on, and goes to boil water so tyler can make his tea.

5.

the pen he's using begins to run out of ink, leaving the design on his arm largely unfinished.

4.

he makes a note himself to get more, and trashes the 2 dead pens. [even]

3.

tyler showers much quicker, and emerges in a oversized sweater.

just in time to grab the boiling water off the stove.

2.

tyler dips his tea bag into the cup of boiling water 11 times before setting it aside. [odd]

he then pours milk into the cup and watches it float to the surface.

1.

tyler takes his cup of tea and retreats, leaving josh alone in the kitchen, with a semi bitter taste in his mouth and without a single word.

 

7.

josh changes the sweatpants for jeans and throws on a black hooded jacket. he plugs his dying headphones in.

6.

only 1 side of his headphones work. [odd]

he pulls the hood over his faded yellow hair and begins to sprint down the stairs in 2s. [even]

5.

the clouds crowd the sky above, but no rain shows.

josh gets in the old black car and shuts the door heavily.

his first stop is for lunch.

4.

he spends 30 minutes in the taco bell 8 minutes away from the apartment. [even]

his next stop is to the grocery store. he picks up more tea, another jar of honey, and a few bags of candy. he throws them in the backseat of the car and heads to the art store.

3.

he spends hours in there.

he comes out with a bag stuffed full with ink and paper and puts it in the front passenger. last stop.

the liquor store.

2.

it's not empty when he arrives. there are a couple groups of people roaming around the parking lot, smoke colouring the air and alchohol staining and slurring words. the bells jingle as he walks in uncomfortably.

he buys a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka. the cashier is droopy eyed and aged. years of cigarette smoke are faded into the grey skin of his hands.

josh power walks out of there.

1.

he nearly walks directly into a tall man with a cigar dangling in between his lips.

"look atcha." he sneers.

"such a pretty lil thing. let me take ya home and show you a good time, hmm?"

josh feels his heart begin to race and he tries to shake his head and push past the man.

but he grabs his wrist, and now he's leering and he's too close he's too close and josh shoves him aside, and sprints to his car.

he slams the door and frantically starts the car, speeding out of the darkening parking lot.

 

7. 

he counts.

6.

he rushes up the stairs, knocking carelessly on the door.

tyler opens it a little annoyed.

5.

josh rushes through, slamming the bottle of liquor down on the table and snatching the lighter up.

4.

he locks himself in his room, and shoves his window open wide.

3.

he rips open the pack of cigarettes.

2.

he leans out the window and lights one up, breath shuddering.

1.

he counts.

7\. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. [0?]


	2. is it too much to ask?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler would sell his soul to josh, but he wants a heart in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it takes 17 rinses to get liquid soap out of your mouth but at least i feel clean

1

tyler hears footsteps outside the apartment door.

josh, he thinks.

2

he hears frantic knocking, and gets up with a sigh of annoyance, shuffling out of his dark bedroom.

he knows josh has a key, so it wasn't really necessary for him to knock.

3

he swings the door open slowly, ready to playfully chastise him about not using his key, but the words freeze in his throat.

4

he only sees josh's face for a split second as he pushes into the house, but the pure panic written all over him is enough for concern to begin boiling in his lungs.

5

josh slams a bottle of vodka onto the table with trembling hands and grabs the blue plastic lighter sitting on the side.

6

his footsteps recede into the house, and tyler hears a door being hastily shut.

7 

tyler puts away the liquor in a high shelf, worry filling his throat, and goes to follow josh.

8

he knocks gently on the wooden door. josh opens it with a click, a cigarette hanging from his fingers.

9

tyler enters the room and lights a cigarette too, sitting on the floor. josh sits on the windowsill and lets his tears trace down his face and smoke fills his room.

10

tyler takes a few drags and tosses it out the window. he approaches josh tenatively, looks over his red rimmed eyes and tear streaked cheeks with pain echoing in his chest.

as much as tyler's fucked up, josh looks ethereal.

11

he pulls josh in a tight hug, and josh buries his face in his shoulder and cries, sobs wracking his body and sending pangs through tyler's chest. 

 

1

tyler wakes up to warmth.

there's fingers tangled in his own, and he looks over to his right to see josh curled up next to him, hair framing his face and his hands gripping tyler's own like a lifeline.

2

he leans forward and kisses josh softly on the forehead, and watches his eyelids flutter open and a sleepy smile overtake his face.

3

"im gonna make breakfast, okay?"

josh softly kisses his knuckles and snuggles deeper into the blankets, releasing his hand.

4

tyler leaves the warm sancturary of blankets and josh and shuffles into the kitchen to make pancakes and coffee.

5

the grinding noises of the coffee machine are relaxing, and he lets his mind wander to josh.

6

what happened to him last night?

7

he pours coffee and puts pancakes on plates as a blanket wrapped josh enters the kitchen, face half hidden under the covers.

8

"you're so cute," he says.

josh buries his face away and just hums.

"josh," and his voice is questioning now, luring josh out into the open.

"what happened yesterday?"

9

"i ran into some guy in the parking lot." josh's voice is small.

"he said that he was going to show me- show me a good time and he-he wouldn't let go, so i panicked."

10

josh, anxiety ridden, long lashed, sensitive josh.

11

tyler pulls him close again and brushes his thumbs across his cheekbones.

 

1

the apartment is cold, so he puts on a mustard yellow sweatshirt and soft joggers and thick socks.

he sits in front of his mirror with the lights strung along the edges and takes out his eyeliner and makes himself pretty.

2

he turns all the main lights off and he turns his computer on, running his finger tips softly against the keys.

3

then he viciously cracks his knuckles, smiling sharp as he begins to type out a message.

_get me the camera feed from the liquor store off trees avenue, 8 pm._

4

_what's it to you?_

_shut the fuck up and get me the tapes._

_(one video recieved!)_

5

tyler plays the video, eyes narrowed.

he watches josh, bright yellow hair and shifty eyes exiting the store and walking into a tall man.

6

he pauses, zooms on the face and enters a search.

7

he scrolls around a bit, and finds a profile.

8

he copies the number, and opens up a new chat.

9

_can you grab the address for this?_

_yeah gimme a sec_

10

he smiles viciously as he notes the address down.

11

"gotcha."

 

1

"josh, i'm gonna leave the house for a bit, ok?"

josh just hums, not looking up from his sketchbook. tyler ruffles his hair and leaves the house, snatching up the keys from the kitchen counter.

2

his feet pound on the stairs as he races down.

3

he calls for a taxicab, directing the middle aged driver to a cafe nearby the address.

4

he looks at himself in the mirror. there are dark bags under his eyes, and there's a determined glint in them that makes him seem almost maniacal.

5

he smiles to himself, because he is.

6

he tosses a 20 into the front seat and gets out of the car, slinging his bag over his shoulder and entering the little coffee shop.

7

he orders an iced coffee from the blue eyed barista and sits outside and watches the apartment complex.

8

he sees a tall man slouch into the building, cigarette hanging from his fingers and tyler leans back and sips his coffee.

9

he enters the apartment complex, sunglasses low on his nose. he smiles at the clerk at the front and makes his way up 3 flights of stairs.

once he reaches the right door, he listens with an ear to the door. he waits until the footsteps recede, then quickly picks open the lock and steps inside, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

10

the man, alerted by the noise, stumbles towards tyler.

"what the fuck?" he shouts.

"get the fuck out!" 

tyler sighs, pulling off his sunglasses and with a roll of his eyes, shoots him in the leg.

he screams and collaspes, blood staining his dirty blue jeans.

tyler advances on him, shadows casting across his face.

11

"didn't your momma ever teach you to keep your hands to yourself,"

he snarls, shooting him again in the stomach.

"or to not touch things that aren't yours?"

the man's sobs are relief to tyler, like water in the desert.

he leans in close, his eyes blown wide and face stretched in a smile.

"here's a reminder."

he shoots him in the head.

 

1

there's blood on his sweatshirt.

tyler groans and shoves his gun in his back pocket and pulls his sweatshirt over his head.

2

he shoves it in his bag, and pulls a sweater out.

3

he carefully unloads his gun and removes the silencer, shaking the bullets out into the palm of his hamd.

4 

he shoves them into a pocket of his bag and pulls out can of spraypaint.

5

it rattles as he shakes it and the smell of paint fills the room.

he spray paints the man's hands red.

6

he turns to the wall and keeps his hands steady, and writes out a reminder to whoever finds him first.

7

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

8

he places the bottle gingerly into his bag and zips it up.

9

he washes his hands again and splashes his face.

10

his vans make no sound on the dirty shag carpeting.

11 

with one last disdainful look at the body, he puts his sunglasses on and leaves the apartment, shutting the door firmly behind him.

 

1

he decides to walk home and calls brendon.

"hey, left a body up near trees avenue. anything you can do about that?"

brendon chuckles faintly.

"what was it this time?"

tyler's voice hardens.

"couldn't keep his hands to himself."

brendon sighs. 

"alright, i'll get on that."

2

he walks more softly up the stairs now, taking his time to pull the keys out of his pocket and to unlock the door.

3

josh is curled up on the couch, watching some space documentary.

4

tyler throws his bag next to the door and pulls his shoes off with a sigh, and goes to join josh.

5

"where'd you go?" josh asks.

tyler hums.

"downtown for a bit. wanted to check out this place brendon was talking about."

6

"was it any good?" 

he smiles.

"yeah, we should go down there together sometime. the barista was super cute."

7

josh frowns, and finally turns to face tyler.

"really?"

8

tyler laughs.

"not as cute as you, though. you got nothing to worry about."

9

josh rolls his eyes and settles back into the couch.

10

tyler links their hands together.

11

josh turns the tv off.

 

1

his eyes are suddenly vulnerable, and he clutches tyler's hand and asks,

"you know i love you, right?"

2

tyler cocks his head to the side and nods.

"and i love you too."

3

josh smiles, a shy smile, and he leans forward.

4 

the kiss is soft and warm, and it's distincively josh.

5

tyler's at odds (and evens) with himself.

6

josh laughs, and it's as musical to tyler as gunshots and the hiss of a spray paint bottle is.

7

he looks into his eyes and knows that he might be knee deep in blood someday with his ledger dripping red,

8

but there won't be a ounce of regret in his heart.

9

josh will be on his mind.

(he always is)

10

josh leans into him and closes his eyes.

11

tyler smiles lovingly down at him.

he turns on the news.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me cry.  
> i need some tears in my life so leave some feedback?


	3. im thinking we should ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when tyler isn't there, the voices in josh's head rush to fill the space where he once was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somebody just talk to me please  
> please any comment is so appreciated

7

josh's eyelids flutter as he sips his coffee, holding the mug with two hands. [even]

6

tyler watches him with a concerned expression, and his voice is light orange and he asks,

"josh, what happened yesterday?"

5

josh's soul trembles in his ribcage as he tells tyler.

4

tyler pulls him close, with what looks like tears brimming his eyes.

3

he whispers soft things into his ear and rubs his thumbs soothingly across josh's cheeks.

2

then the warmth is gone, and tyler's retreating back to his room.

1

he leaves josh to eat alone in silence.

 

7

josh finishes his breakfast slowly.

6 

keeping his blanket wrapped around his shivering frame, he gets up slowly to put the plates in the sink.

5

he toys with a blue pen that tyler left near the kitchen sink.

4

he begins to scratch teary eyes into the fragile pages of his sketchbook.

3

some of them bleed through the pages.

2

he hears a door open from within the house, and tyler emerges, eyeliner sharp.

1

tyler says,

"josh, im gonna leave the house for a bit, ok?"

josh doesn't look up and the words he chokes back in his throat come out as a hum.

 

7

josh stares blankly at the page full of glowing eyes as tyler shuts the door firmly behind him.

6

his absence settles firmly and reverbrates through josh's head.

5 

the voices begin to wake, slowly but surely.

4 

it starts with low, vicious whispering.

3

they're talking, singing sweet praise over each other and lamenting josh with words that splatter black paint across his eyelids.

2

they're fighting 

1

THEY'RESCREAMING

 

7

the pen shakes violently in his hand. he throws his sketchbook to the side.

6 

he needs to calm down calm down calm down they cant come back not here

5

he needs to help himself.

he pulls up his sleeves and his breath shudders in his ribcage like a shaken spray paint can.

4

he tries to draw pretty designs into the pale skin and softly scare them away but he's pressing too hard and  _he's ripping through the skin on his wrists and there's ink everywhere and blood is beading to the surface_

_3_

_his hand is covered in blood and so is the pen and HE CAN'T BREATHE_

_2_

but they're gone

1

he throws the pen away.

 

7

josh stumbles into the bathroom and begins to rinse his arms under the cold water.

6

his blood turns a watery pink as it splashes down the sides of the pure white sink.

5

he stands there, mesmerized by the color seeping out of his body.

4

it's so cold.

3

josh turns off the faucet and begins to absentmindly bandage his cuts(why is it so familiar?).

2 

he wipes away the tears staining his face and washes away the blood dripping off his fingertips.

1

he pulls on a sweatshirt.

 

7

he needs a voice.

6

josh collapses on the couch, wincing as his sleeves rub against his arms. he reaches for the remote.

5

he turns on some documentary, and lets the generic british voice fill his empty cage of a head and pretends that tyler is singing him pretty words.

4

his breath slowly begins to calm.

3

his hands begin to still their shaking.

2

his chest empties.

1

his eyes glaze over, and his conscious thought flutters free and he begins to see grey.

 

7

the slam of a door blinks on the light in his head.

6 

he looks up dizzily as tyler drops his bag and takes off his shoes with a sigh.

5

tyler's footsteps are soft and almost pitter patter across the floor like rain.

4

he drops onto the couch right next to josh, body softening and eyes opening wide.

3

the silence presses heavy on josh's nerves and his fingertips tingle.

2

he gathers up the words in his throat like a bouquet of flowers.

1

"where'd you go?"

 

7

tyler's voice is even when he replies.

"downtown for a bit. wanted to check out this place brendon was talking about."

6

josh's curiosity spikes.

5

"was it any good?"

tyler smiles at him sweetly.

4

"yeah, we should go down there together sometime. the barista was super cute."

3

it was an offhand comment but josh feels the cold creeping and the whispering tickling his skull.

he turns to tyler.

"really?"

2

tyler laughs, face illuminated by the purple blue red flickering lights of the tv.

"not as cute as you, though. you got nothing to worry about."

1

the voices quiet, and josh hates himself for how dependent he's become.

 

7

josh turns the tv off, and turns to tyler. his hands are cold and he tangles their fingers together, swallowing.

6

"you know i love you, right?"

he feels the emotion drowning in his lungs.

tyler cocks his head to the side and smiles almost indignantly. 

"and i love you too."

5

the air tastes honey sweet and josh leans forward, eyes fluttering shut as he presses their lips together.

4

it's warm and tyler's lips are chapped, but it's soft and heavy and it fills josh's heart.

3

josh pulls back breathlessly, and tyler's eyes are glazed and shine over with something josh might call love.

2

josh laughs, and tyler closes his eyes like he's listening to the forest green of an orchestra.

1

josh buries his face in tyler's chest and listens to his heartbeat as he hears the tv start again with a voice more urgent.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: washedouteyes  
> instagram: dysautonomiaa


End file.
